1. |
Get Better
03:39
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I don't know what to say
Except that lately I think about the way
We don't talk on the train
It's so easy to look the other way
I got so hot in my head
Lost my chill and I lit a fire instead
Bite my lip til it bleeds
Nearly choke on the spit I'm swallowing
I don't lie anymore (I don't see the point)
Yeah I'd like to be sorry, but I'm sore
And I can handle the pain (on my joints)
It's the instinct to heal that drives me insane
Cause all your edges are wrong (you've gone soft)
There's no hunger behind your stupid songs
Not a scream but a sigh (piss me off)
So you get better and I'll keep getting high
I don't want to be clean
I don't want to have shiny happy dreams
Like the ones on TV
I feel my best when I don't feel anything
Don't wanna feel a fucking thing
Don't wanna fucking feel anything
Don't wanna feel a fucking thing
Don't wanna fucking feel anything
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2. |
Eat Cake
03:15
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I don't wanna talk to the guys on my street
I'll ride my bike the other way
I don't wanna be scared I'll die in my sleep
Think that I'll just stay awake
And everybody said I would be better by now
But I got no more tricks up their sleeves
And I don't want to waste their time any more
Waiting for my dopamine
Cause I've been hanging out with all the empty in my bed
I could be coming down but I'm drowning in my head
I'm not gonna pick up my phone anymore
Stare at the screen til it cracks
I don't even go outside anymore
What if I never come back
And everybody says I should be better by now
But I wait and I wait and I wait
Well I'm not gonna pinch at my thighs anymore
I'm gonna eat the damn cake
Cause I've been making out with all the empty in my head
I could be coming down but I'm drowning in my head
If I'm going under that's just fine
It's my birth right
I'm a water sign
I'm a water sign
But I don't want to waste your time anymore
Take what you need and leave
I'm not gonna waste my life anymore
I'll make my own dopamine
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3. |
Rhododendrons
04:51
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Do the new selves that haunt my home
Ever cross paths with all my ghosts
I know each grave of grass by heart
My pets are buried in the backyard
Under the rhododendrons I used to feel unafraid
Quiet insects watching me crumble away
And does their dog dig up the bones?
And have their children planted their own?
Or by the roots have they been bound?
It's comfortless to me somehow
They keep blooming, I'll go back to sleep
Tell myself that I don't feel anything
Well okay
Breathe out
Then breathe in
I'm okay
How young
How green
Chapped lips
Cold teeth
Under the rhododendrons I think I'd feel unashamed
Quiet insects watching me crumble away
Can't we sit and watch each other blink?
So aware of the untouched parts of me
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4. |
Interlude
01:00
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Kissing strangers in the garden
In my mind I'm half asleep
Bathing in your old apartment
It's been years since I have felt so clean
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5. |
Swimming Pool
05:02
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I hold my breath
and I take a step
The moment's gone
and I have nothing left
June has come, my classmates know
I'm acting up I threw my phone
In the swimming pool
I'm so heavy I cant breathe
Everything I need is
Running away from me
In a borrowed car
We wander through the dark
No one is waiting up
My curfew has given up
Steady now, I'm seeing twos
Let's get drunk and climb the roof
Of the high school
My mother would be so depressed
But she's not here and I am blessed
To be left behind
Instead of six feet under, killing time
I'm sorry
It makes me sick to tell
But I am doing well
The truth won't tell itself
So I am doing well
Settle down
My feet can't find the ground
And I'm freaking out
God, somebody touch me now
My sister must have seen my face
But no one's coming, I'm in pain
In the back room
Find your eyes across the church
You look so pale in your black shirt
Am I sinking
Am I breathing?
I'm sorry
It's way too soon to tell
But I am doing well
The truth won't tell itself
So I am doing well
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6. |
Sour
02:59
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2 AM behind my teeth
Something's rotting somewhere sweet
I try, but I won't get to sleep
Everything falls in between
Lemon wedges, Listerine
I wash my face 'til it bleeds
And I drag myself through the empty hours
Bummer blossoms, panic flowers
And I suck the candy 'til it's sour
Wide-eyed grownups in your den
Laugh but I am one of them
Hair dyed, immature and underdressed
I don't know I'm just built wrong
I'll be happy if I get a dog
And move to Philly
And I learn the hard way in my best dress
And I talk trash to my therapist
And I suck the candy 'til I'm sick of it
Too scared to put me first
I try to swallow but it hurts
You're freaking me out
And I'm freaking me out
And I'm too scared, I put you first
I try to swallow but it hurts
You're freaking me out
And I'm freaking me out
And I drag myself through the empty hours
Bummer blossoms, panic flowers
And I suck the candy 'til it's...
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